X-Men: The Last Stand

Last Stand Stands Up
Adam Valen Levinson
Freelance Movie Critic
      Simple algebra: X3 is one X more than X2, which is in turn X more than X1. In other words, X-Men: The Last Stand is three times X-ier than the original.
      What does this mean? For starters, more mutants. The range of imaginative, comic book powers is enormous, from the incredible note-taking skills of one student to the awesome, all-encompassing power of the Phoenix. At times, it is overwhelming to have hundreds of mutants showing off their powers, but X3 aims to amaze, and it hits its mark.
      In addition, the same comic book-style dialogue present in the first two installments is loud and clear in this one. Apparently, along with the “x-gene” that provokes the fantastical mutations comes a profundity gene that provokes predictable conversation. Imagine any statement of urgency. Now, repeat it and change some pronouns around (“It’s what we want.” “No, it’s what you want.”). You’ve written the screenplay. But if you don’t let it get to you, it’s not only hilarious, it works. The fanciful, imaginative style of the X-Men franchise is one that is deliberately overdone in a way that is bold and exciting, and more importantly – fun.
      With San Francisco as a backdrop, the self-titled homo superiors take on the military in this final (would they really stop after making almost half a billion with two films?) chapter. The “old friends” compete once again, this time for the partnership of the telekinetic psychic, Dr. Jean Gray. If the cliffhanger in X2 didn’t give it away, the previews for Last Stand did: she’s back. When the government develops a “cure” that will rid mutants of their unique abilities, Magneto (Ian McKellen) unites a band of outcasts that will inspire tolerance by exterminating homo sapiens. A Holocaust survivor attempting to clear space for a master race? Perfect!
      The X-Men must come to terms with their mutantness while genocide (in both directions) threatens to destroy the world. Like the prequels, there are love triangles that strain the characters’ bonds, even among the most noble freaks; X3 manages to hold its ground on an emotional and moral as well as visual level. Thanks to the Phoenix, the story line creates a door to an uncharted territory where normal physical laws do not apply.
      My advice: don’t think too hard (“how can Wolverine move his wrists with his claws retracted?”), it takes away from the adolescent exuberance that makes Marvel movies as exciting as the comic books they come from. Sometimes, as with Spiderman and The Hulk, the movies took themselves too seriously, so the audience did too, looking for the traits that typically make “good” movies. But X-Men 3 has evolved – a movie that can be simultaneously deep, intense and downright silly.
      With Wolverine, a spin-off of the films, starring X-Men’s Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), The Last Stand is certainly not the last we will see of these lovably destructive characters.

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X-Men: The Last Stand
104 Minutes
Release Date: May 26, 2006

Over the Hedge

Over the Hedge, Under the Bar
Adam Valen Levinson
Freelance Movie Critic
      In the rapid-fire, caffeine-fueled, ADD style of the modern animated movie, Over the Hedge presents a well put together, but disappointingly lightweight flick about foraging animals trying to survive when suburbia destroys most of their natural habitat.
      While it may not have the zazz and cleverness that made chaperoning adults enjoy Shrek and Finding Nemo, Over the Hedge will surely be child-pleasing. Yes, it follows the multi-million dollar recipe — boy (raccoon) in trouble, boy finds help, boy abuses help, boy regrets abuse, bear chases boy — but its bright colors and silly dialogue will keep the wee ones in stitches. As usual, the adorable animals are under attack by the evil, Botoxed humans who epitomize the bane of Ecologists’ existence. Unfortunately, the movie’s feeble attempt at social commentary consists of a few lines spoken as if their solemn tone would squeeze out a few drops of profundity.
      Even the obligatory Citizen Kane, and A Streetcar Named Desire references seem forced and out of place. However, they did inexplicably get laughs from the children. While the animals leap over the hedge, the jokes remain unable to get over anyone’s head. I didn’t understand what a gasped “Rosebud” would mean to the four year-old behind me, but perhaps it was funny coming from a possum. Or perhaps it was a very, very sophisticated four year-old. If so, I learned a lesson that Tim Johnson and Karey Kirkpatrick (directors) should have learned years ago: never underestimate your audience. Sure, a few “nuts” jokes can be funny, especially coming from a hyperactive fox with the voice of The 40 Year Old Virgin’s Steve Carell, but as they say in Hollywood, “if it’s not funny coming from a squirrel, it’s just not funny”. If that was their best attempt to attract the older portion of the demographic, they might need to take a few more classes at Clever Euphemism School.
      The recent advances in computer animation have enabled a great development in one of the main elements of children’s movies: cuteness. Dreamworks’ animation is top notch, with each hair on the fuzzy little creatures’ heads looking real enough to pet, and fantastical enough to not trigger your allergies.
      If you are childless, and cannot gain pleasure from seeing the enjoyment of children, life is too short to see this movie. If you are not in that category, I strongly suggest you add your ten dollars to the funds for the almost inevitable sequel.

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Photo: the conniving raccoon, RJ (Bruce Willis) and Carell’s fox Hammy acting a rabid squirrel

Over the Hedge
83 Minutes
Release Date: May 19, 2006